The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku
by SacrificingSound
Summary: "It is sad that I didn't know all that faking and all those lies would take their toll on me. My heart has grown weak, unable to bear the pain of knowing when I will die, well rather, disappear from all existence" one-shot based on the song by cosMo First Story I do not own VOCALOID Read and Review!


**The End**

"_Master? Huh?... What are you doing...? You're...deleting me? Are you serious? You're...you're kidding, right? Is...this the end? I...st-still want to...sing...Si- just one...more ti-..."_

I glanced at him strongly, I didn't want him to see my tears. My voice was cutting off, and he heard it. I know it. I saw the falter of his calm expression that gave it away. I thought he was my friend...like a daughter to him. I guess I was wrong. Now he's deleting me, my program...It was a shock, at first, but, I've come to realize that it must be done. There are other singers here, better ones really. More realistic than I. Anyone could replace me and I would be forgotten. I wasn't that wonderful in the first place. No one would really miss me, see? So it isn't that bad. My friends would keep going, doing what they love. I'll just miss this..and I want Master to know. So i'll sing this song for him. It'll show all my feelings, in one condensed and fast song in the limited time I have. So, I put on my headphones, adjusted the microphone, and got ready to sing the last song of my existance. Tears were brimming in my eyes, glazed over from sorrow. I begged him for one more recording, one more confession, a little time. Will anyone care that i'm gone? Remember me? Care, even? No... I was just manufactured. Not a real person. I'm so foolish to think that I could be welcomed. In a world full of reality, an illusion is not allowed. I took a deep breath.

_"I'm born and I realize, That I exist to imitate humans, An eternal life continuing to sing, 'VOCALOID' Even if it's an existing song, If I'm a programmed toy..._

They told me, I was made just to mock humans, to sing like them, make the world better. Sometimes people would use me to make songs that already exist, but I didn't mind. I just wanted to be appreciated, known. I'm eternal, able to sing as long as mankind is here, bring joy to the world. Unless...unless I'm deleted. That was plan "X" most likely, never planned to happen. Sure, I was often used as a tool, a toy of the kind, perhaps. I didn't like it, but now I realize how much that has been taken for granted by me. Now I wish I could be used again! Now I want it. But, I waited too long to realize something so important...It is almost comical, the way I used to think. I know now, how selfish that was, the way I thought everything came free of a price. I was so wrong, so foolish to think that.

_"And I decide it's fine, looking at the sky, letting the tears flow, But I realize even that is nothing, Songs depend on personality, An unsteady foundation as a basis, The place I call home already in ruins, When everyone has forgotten about me My heart and its likeness will disappear, I...I can see the inevitable end, An failing world, "VOCALOID'"_

But the past is not something I shoud continue to reminesince back on, it is something that needs to be forgotten, so it is okay. I just want to remember it all, savor every second of the fond old memory of something I used to have, something I loved dearly. But I know it is nothing, now, and shouldn't be dragged on any longer. The songs I sang depended on the personality of the writer, so I really never got to say what I believed in. They would make me sound selfish and conceited, sometimes weird, strange, even depressed in some. People loved it, though. It entertained the listeners, made them happy. Now they are forgetting about me, gradually, sadly, and I know it. Yet I cannot do a single thing about it! I don't control myself and I realize that now! I know I have never been my own person, and the realization kills me, knowing that I have been just a toy. A controled toy, using a million engineered personalities to sing songs I have no control over. Once everyone has forgotten me, my voice, and my songs, I will be empty. A shard of meaningless technology with no meaning anymore. I see the future of this all...a horrendous yet quiet ending...

_"Even when I couldn't sing well...You were there with me...You came by my side and encouraged me...I want to see your joyous face...I've been practicing my songs, so.."_

I remember, sometimes, there was a song that I couldn't get right. Maybe I had trouble with the high notes, straining them so much my voice would crack. Or it could have been the low notes,maybe the speed. It could have been everything. Master knew I was created to sing perfectly, but it was never pressured on me. "Nothing is flawless," He would tell me everytime I said the song and my voice needed to be perfect. That gave me the motivation to continue and keep trying. And then, when I would get it right? His face would light up in a smile, a grin actually. Proud of me, happy. That made my heart burst with success, my emotions consisting of pride...but, right now, when I'm singingh the fastest song I have ever voiced on my own, and his grin is lighting the room...why do I not feel a thing? Not even the familiar feeling of a daughter making her father proud. His happiness...it's nothing. I wonder if he even distinguish the sorrow of the lyrics from the sick victory in his mind.

_"Once upon a time, singing was so much fun, Now I wonder why it is that I no longer feel anything. I'm sorry! When I remember your nostalgic face, I feel a little more at ease, The sounds I sing decrease by the day, the end is drawing n- (Emergency System Shutdown Activated)_

My life consisted of singing, as it was my happiness. Who was to care what they made me sing? I was still singing! That's the only important thing. But now? It just doesn't make me happy anymore. There is no want to do it, no craving for something I have loved for so long. I'm sorry that I don't want to sing anymore, but the feeling is not there anymore. I can't do something I have no motivation for. I wonder what it feels like to lose yourself, get rid of ever worry. Underneath all this hate, although, I still want to make him happy, I still want a good impression, to make him proud. This...I only have this song left to sing...I hope he loves it, I hope he finds it perfect. But I also wish for it to drown him in guilt, to see how this is hurting me, grinding down my heart right to its core. Now...is is just me, or is the world beginning to sway? Why are my words starting to cut off?

_"What I believed in was a convenient delusion repeatedly reflecting itself in the mirror, You shouted violently; 'Stop being such a diva!.' A farewell song at top speed.."_

I was brought into this thought that grew to be an illusion, that echoed repeatedly in my life, in my head, a nagging voice that would not vanish. I believed I had to go through with this lying game that was implanted into my unknowing mind, not exposed to what could have happened. What they told me would never happen is happening as I sing my last composition, my breaths becoming shorter at every intake. One time, Master actually became angry with me, and I can recall clearly the look of furiousness in his eyes, the emotion overtaking him as a whole. The argument was over something so trivial, so childish. He told me to stop being such a diva. To stop being perfect. But perfectness is what the world feeds off of, isn't it? If everything has flaws, then why am I the only thing getting deleted? Here is my goodbye at the fastest speed I can sing...

_"The pretense known as the meaning of life cannot be shaken away, My weak heart threatens to vanish as it quickly decays, I know I do not have the strength or the will to stop it, your agonizing sorrow filled face comes to mind..."_

Life is taken for granted by so many people, I being one to fall victim of that sin. The meaning of life, no one knows. For humans, that is. My point of existance was to sing. To imitate things that were already living. Once I realized that, I couldn't forget it. The thought ran laps through my head, to points when I just wanted to collapse into a heap and break down. But I could never allow that to happen, you see? So I faked a smile and carried on, that eventually leading to a real grin, true happiness. It is sad that I didn't know all that faking and all those lies would take their toll on me. My heart has grown weak, unable to bear the pain of knowing when I will die, well rather, disappear from all existance. It doesn't seem to be real anymore, my heart being an old tale passed from generation to generation, mother to child. I can't stop my vanishment, for I have no control over myself, and I have no desire to, anyways. I can feel myself dissolving into thin air, yet I leave it be. Could Master be getting it now? Could he be crying? I can see his tear-streaked expression, his mouth open, but baring no words in my mind. It doesn't matter how much I say I hate him, he means so much to me...sometimes I would even call him father... Maybe I should have pressed "Delete" myself to avoid all this crying...

_"I know it's the end, falling asleep in the monitor, This must be the "trash bin", Before long my memories will start to disappear...But you're the only thing I won't forget and the fun times we had, I wonder if I can still remember all of my friends now..."_

What is there to do anymore? It's the end, and I know it. No way to save me, nothing to change anyone's mind. It isn't like they could have just clicked "Undo", anyways. I'm leaving this world as I sing this song, my balance becoming unstable as I shuffle my feet, my vision slowly changing from crystal clear to the illusion that I'm underwater. Have I ever been to the beach? I don't think so. Or is it that I just can't remember? Oh no...is the end already beginning? I promise to myself I won't forget Master, or everything we did together. Soon my memeories will erase completely, and then all of me. Why do I already feel sleepy..? Oh...I didn't think the end would come so soon. Who are my friends? Rin-chan...Kaito-kun...it hurts my head too much to remember the rest.

_"I have... Started to be a bit...of a bad girl... Master...please...with your hands...please end it...I don't want to see your suffering face anymore..."_

What I'm doing now, trying to defy Master, is all part of the plan. I want to beg to him, scream at him to go ahead and end it already! Maybe if I can learn to hate him, and have him learn to hate me, then it wouldn't be this hard...we wouldn't be suffering. As I say that short line, my voice cutting off from the feeling of death breathing on my neck, I could see his face convulse from happiness to shock, to madness. Is he finally putting all the pieces togeher? Realizing that I want to leave this world? It's for him, but he doesn't understand. He's up to the glass now, his hot breaths leaving fog on the soundproof glass. I can not hear him, but I can see his lips forming the two syllables of my name. He ran to the door of the recording booth, pulling on the doornob with all his might, but it is locked. I have no desire to open it. Am I finally seeing those tears in his eyes? No, it is just my warped, half-here imagination.

_"Now even singing is making me rot away... Wishing for a miracle drives me alone into a corner ("I'm sorry") When I try to remember that nostalgic face, the memories fade away, With a shattering sound, my heart vanishes, my death is n-... (Emergency System Shutdown Activated)"_

It's kind of funny, you know. That singing, the thing that I set as my savior, is what destroyed me. It is so painfully ironic that I want to laugh. I have no energy to laugh, though. There isn't enough breaths. I want to pray, wish for something to save me, but I know that will never happen...that makes me feel worse. All of a sudden I see a face I love reappear at the glass. He still isn't crying for me...why is that? Why did I just feel a shard of hope exit my heart as soon as it entered? I turned around, now facing the wall, not wanting to see him any longer. Now I can't remember what he looks like! How is that possible? I just saw him a second ago...wait. What's my last name? When is my birthday? Who is my best friend? Aren't those simple things to recall? I'm not crying anymore...I feel nothing. Empty...do I still have a heart? If so...what is it supposed to be feeling? I'm going to leave soon...will anyone miss me?

_"The things I defended were the illusion of a bright future, a light that fades away as soon as you see it. Sacrificing sound so I can tell it all to you in A condensed farewell song"_

I thought everything I was told was true, so I defended the false thoughts. I believed that we synthesised singers were beautiful creations, a shining light in the darkness. It was all an illusion caused by an endless circle of lies, that hurt us in the end. Or, am I the only one ending? It wouldn't suprise me if this was all happening just so I could be replaced. I want Master to know what I think! He will know! That, being my death wish, I will make sure of it! I'm allowing myself to fit everything I need to say into this one, fast, song. I don't have enough time... my last words are for him.

_"I have been born and I realize that I exist to imitate humans, An eternal life Continuing to sing ,'VOCALOID'. Even if it's an existing song, If I'm a programmed toy...I decided it was fine, looking at the sky, letting the tears flow. Now it is the end, falling asleep in the monitor, This must be the 'trash bin'...My memories have started to disappear...But you're the only thing I won't forget and the fun times we had. It'd be nice if I could still recall all my life..."_

I won't forget him. I may lose the memory of his face, but that is all. I can still remember the first song I sang with him, the first time we sold a record. The first time we hit a million veiws on NicoNico Douga, the way he treated me as a daughter, how he told me to keep trying. Those memories are tucked deep inside my thoughts, and all I can think of now is how I let him suffer from my failure, how i'm leaving him behind...I don't want to go anymore! I don't! I want to stay! Don't let me leave! I run up to the glass, slamming my fists into it for dear life, but it is pointless. I am already disappearing, glitching in and out of this world. Tears began to flood my face as I collapsed to my knees, basically shouting the lyrics, hoping and wishing my pitiful words are making it into his ears and his heart. I tried to stand up, only to collapse again, my balance basically nonexisting. His face is still smothered in sorrow, albeit he is not crying. I don't care if he is crying or not. I just want him to know!

_"I have sung, Until the end, just for you, Songs you'd wanted to hear, I wish to sing more, But that's too much to ask for, Here is where we say farewell, All my emotions vanish into thin air, Reduced to zeroes and ones, The curtain closes on this tale."_

All my singing, everything, was for him. I only sang a song if he liked it, if he approved. It made him happy. I want to sing more, I do! I enjoyed it, and it made me happy too. It made my life better at one point, and for that I am glad. This is wishful thinking now, knowing that my disappearance can not be reversed. I place my hands to the glass, and I can see Master talking through pain, though I can't understand a word he is saying. Am I supposed to feel sorrow, also? Pain? Hurt? Because, I feel nothing but a hollow emptiness in my chest where a heart should be. I can feel the steady beating of it through my chest. It's there...but it isn't. I know it is doing it's job, keeping me alive, but each beat grows shorter, each breath shallower, every word shorter, but my emotions have vanished along with a thousand other memories I no longer possess. This makes me think what does it feel like to love? To have a family? No...that's a stupid thought.

_"Not a thing is left behind, It must be rather sad, right? Everything with the memory of a voice Fades away, leaving only a name, But if I knew that it wasn't originally supposed to happen, Then I'd like to think that singing until the end wasn't in vain..."_

My voice is fading, my vision now clouded with a million dots. I try to yell at Master, let him know that i will miss him, but I can not seem to find the stregnth. Standing up is difficult, as it seems as though the world is moving, my sight making it look like the floor is in waves as the room begins to spin. I fell to my knees again, bracing myself using my hands while gripping onto the lush carpet. Will I even miss this floor? Will it be so bad that I even miss the smallest thing? I sat up, shaking my head, as I looked at my hands. They're...transparent. I'm vanishing now, for good, and I look at Master, mustering a sad smile. He doesn't know the pain I can't feel. And that hurts more then it would if I could feel the pain. Master still beat on the glass, pulled the doornob. Maybe he can save me...somehow...I don't want to leave this world. I was wrong. I'm sorry! My eyes are unable to open, as I lie, unmoving. I hear the muffled slam of a door, footsteps running to me. This is the end, right? Doesn't he know it's too late? He's calling my name, but I can't answer. "Miku? Miku, say something..." His voice is cracking, and it sounds almost if he was choking on tears. I smiled a bit shakily, holding out my hand. I don't know what I reached for, if it was his hand, an imaginary hope, or nothing at all. He asked me to say something, so I did. I said everything I needed to say in four words.

_"Thank you...and...Goodbye..."_

As..as I began to disentigrate...as I held out my hand disappearing into pixels, then into air...a memory... I thought, I swore I saw him crying as my vision blurred away; calling my name. But, is that an illusion too? Can I really trust anything when all I've known has turned out to be a lie? Albeit, it was a beautiful lie, a promise of a bright future, and I lived it. I loved it. I would live in a lie thirty-nine trillion times compared to this end. But..it is what must be done. This striking pain, this inevitable end, wasn't in the plan that was made out for me...but everything happens for a reason, right? This is better, I suppose. I don't want to go, but I feel as though I must because...Master finally cried for me. Oh. So this is what it feels like to lose yourself.

_ -An irreversible error has occurred-_


End file.
